thee hated of me

which is greater-- to love despite dislike
despite despise disgust mis-trust
dirty dinner dust
swept beneath carpet of our skin
dirtying our with-in
to find a rag some where
to wipe clean the lens
that allows light in;
to change perception and put down pride

or

to find one's self and surround
with those abounding in what you have found to be astounding,
grounding and giving, worth living for
and
for them?

at what measure does one stay because you're needed,
nay, presence wanted,
wanton wanting of weariness and waking starts

at what measure
does one take the toll of reprimand of self, of demand to not be what one is;
to become different, to suppress, or more so surprise oneself with what one can disguise?

but where does one find core, and betray anything below mantle boiling,
only instead to make low the mountains and fill the valleys,
smoothing edges the bump as stone tossed by sea and sand
to become a meeting place
for God-- for goddness
possibly
of humanity?

God is good,  the pastor said,
           all the time,  we reply,
all the time  he responds,
        God is Good, we move on.

here stands I
and you, and mother's daughter and sons of sisters too,
here we stand at the the point of compromise,
the place where we know not what to do.

how far removed
must we become
to become life abandoned
for life abounding.

there was man
impressed by me--
silver tongue and wit had I said he.

but spirit warned of wander ways,
i stay away and come to thee.

thee
who finds no degree of honor with me.
no feature beyond skin of which to be praised.
only once said, fallen in love with kindness,
but thus was lost when uncovered my blindness.

but love so strong of one you hate.

have I hated the one who loves me,
or loved the one who hates me?

at what point are these features opposite,

for do we not choose, and thus control,
while having no choice, and no control?

oh, stole,
stolen dear,
steal away with me
from my mind and misconceptions,
deceptions
untold
till we find ourselves as humans
forgetting all known unknown.

let us fie, fie on thee!
oh, lie, lie
you lie next to me.
but how brittle till one tongue breaks?
how brittle
till one earthen heart quakes?
and wakes instead
all nightmares hidden from

foaming forth in mass array
these truths our words cannot say
that swallow both our voice and measure
our intent, self, and one another.

 still, heart grows hardened till broken open
and i allow
cracked light to enter
caring not offenses done
caring only for arms and sun.

came that they may have life!
Life! more abundantly

I have life when i forgive thee.
do you have life?
do you ever forgive

me
for being
me?

it's nice to be praised for ability

to be know 

and seen

as something worth seeing.

but what grows us then?

when challenged not?

what forms our hearts?

if not told where to start?

you i hate who does not adore

but you i love who loves not what i fight for

may compassion and forgiveness seep;

may my mind at some point sleep

and sleep next to thee who chose me

foolishly

but loves my office,

my position

in loo of what 

I am.