jeans

i changed again
to jeans
so they can hug me
when you won't.

i changed again
to fit
my need to hide;
to not stand out.

i changed again
to justify
my faded feeling,
washed with withdrawal

from you.


but i spoke
words
too loud
               deafening your delicate ears,
                              your delicate mask
                               your false
                                              identity.

but i've always lived
my life
          out loud--
          twirling in skirts
                                you loved
         twirling with thoughts
                               you abhorred.

i use lower case i's
to fit my thighs
inside jeans
of humility,
                 no,
                 of hiding myself
                 LOUD.