choices

you,
my love,
my dear,
             exuberant one
             whom everyone loves,
             who called me "Mum,"

you,
      I have healed bonds.
praise courage.
praise theater.

                   mourn self blame.
                                                            distance.
 you,
my shock,
my friend?
               awakened thoughts,
               who flirted-- with everyone,
               who caught me in arms,
                                                   once.
you,
      I know not our standing.
mourn stammers.
mourn silence.

                 praise distance?
                                            busy.

GONE
i wonder,
because of one,

because of choice.

because of me.


you, my dear-- I miss your dreams.
you, my friend?-- I miss your convictions.

you-- the one I have,

you share these
sometimes;
dreams, convictions.

but more often than not,
silence
tease
disapprove

of mine.

                                                                  did I mean to choose this path?
                                                                                                       doubt
                                                                                    but not fear.